Metaphorical Homosexual’s “Mind your own Business” Conference

Allen Jones
6 min readSep 29, 2015

As a homosexual myself, I believe all who are conflicted with “should I or shouldn’t I”, I suggest you shouldn’t. I was in the closet for thirty years simply because I was ashamed of being homosexual.

But as I look back, I’m glad I did not go on some coming out gay sky writing campaign beyond telling my family, who couldn’t care less about my sex life… Well, you know what I mean. And I highly recommend all homosexuals; especially if you are famous, stay in the closet.

Since when does a homosexual’s coming out of the closet require the acceptance from heterosexuals? Save yourself some unneeded stress from rejection from those who do not approve, as well as acceptance from those who couldn’t really care less about your sexual preference.

For me to be in the closet was like, I spying on heterosexuals as much as I was living in shame. I did retain a ton of useless but amusing distortions perpetrated by heterosexuals. Claiming to be experts, most heterosexuals spew out pure fiction and fear that they would not dare utter in mixed company, if you will.

I am most ashamed to hear people blame God for their distorted views on homosexuality. However, even those who by word of mouth or simply attending too many seminars and conferences should know better than to believe and repeat 99% of this crap.

The heterosexual world has such a distorted view of what it means to be a homosexual. “Freaks”, “perverts” and “child molesters” top the list of distortions. But after an unsuccessful campaign of name calling does not work to get homosexuals to repent, many of these haters pull out their Bibles.

Claiming they have been deputized by God, some hit the streets to conduct a moral campaign of oppression by employing the old tactics of misquoting or incorrectly reciting Bible scriptures.

Not to be outdone even some homosexuals, flaunt their homosexuality in such a distasteful manner, any self-respecting homosexual would reasonably feel a bit homophobic after a single encounter.

The use of the term gay, by anyone to describe homosexuals is also a distortion. Encouraging homosexuals to be happy and proud of who they are is beyond presumptuous. But at the very least I would say it is wishful thinking. Too many will never fully experience true joy, which last a lot longer than being happy. Nevertheless, I do respect that an individual has the right to self-identified.

Homosexuals who prefer to remain in the closet are wise to do so. Most are not ashamed of their sexuality. Nor will they give in to peer pressure from homosexuals whose reasoning is nothing more than a ruse: “You can be a role model for young homosexuals.”

Wired to be attracted to the same gender is natural, normal and comfortable, if you do not allow yourself to be brainwashed by most heterosexual’s definition of sexual morality. Don’t get me wrong, without morals there is no civilized society. However, it appears that too many in America are claiming a monopoly on sexual morality. And coming out of the closet is no way to define what is moral nor does it in anyway guarantee one will be free.

Most of well-intentioned America; who support coming out announcements, are pushing people out of a tiny closet window confident that these gays will end up in the arms of the self-serving. With twisted logic, the self-serving leaders carry their victims of rejection or recruits to what they view as safety.

Camouflaged with a rainbow flag, those who come out of the closet by force or free will have realized too late that they have landed in the middle of the National Misery Loves Company (MLC) conference.

Leaders of this cult are often heard shouting unrealistically, “If everyone who was gay would come out of the closet it would be better” before a growing crowd responding with, half-hearted applause.

Meanwhile, the wise who remain in the closet are enjoying the annual “National Mind your own Business” conference held at one of America’s finest resorts. Full of great food, drink and entertainment these homosexuals manage to celebrate a life of dignity, good mental health with the added benefits of remaining in the closet also has the sweet smell of sexy.

The keynote speaker addresses the crowd by shouting, “I am not coming out of the closet until I’m finished having sex in the closet!” This larger crowd than that of the MLC conferences, roars back with laughter and applause as their leader then begins to chant, “Never give-in to peer pressure!”

Of the many attempts to get bullied and suicidal homosexuals to feel better about themselves, some bright American liberal came up with the “It gets better campaign.” Swearing that the campaign was a success, all the evidence suggests it was a lie, or at the very least wishful thinking. Can anyone imagine Michael Sam in an “It gets Better” PSA?

Sam was a college football defensive standout who decided while in college that it was best to make his private life everyone’s business. Then the 2014 NFL draft came and his public/private life became center stage public. He even received telephone calls of support from many; including President Obama.

The result of the spectacle over Sam’s sexuality: Sam was forced to pursue his professional football career in another country and then he quit professional football altogether for “mental health” reasons before he made one professional tackle.

Meanwhile, the media who was partly responsible for the whole Sam “First openly gay to…”, fiasco, which included a ridiculous locker room shower question by a sports reporter, suffered no real loss. A multi-billion dollar media industry’s embarrassing and childish spectacle can’t wait to get its reporters to cover the next naïve or confused homosexual and voyeurs can’t wait to tune in.

I recently viewed some “Coming out” videos on YouTube. Something was seriously wrong with the running theme through them all. Homosexuals who have done nothing wrong, were fearing being rejected by heterosexuals; who by the way, know the least on the subject of homosexuality.

We all can agree that the American society’s views on homosexuality stem from judgment based on the reasonable: God made man and woman. And yes, for years I too bought into what many said about God, the Bible and homosexuality. Then I began to read for myself what people claim of “But the Bible says…”

Jesus would have not answered differently to the men who brought a woman before Him that they claim was, “Caught in the very act” of adultery. Common sense says that Jesus saying, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” could easily apply in a similar matter dealing with homosexuality; since both carried the same stoning penalty that applied in Old Testament Law.

Where is the sin in simply keeping one’s sex life in the closet and in the bedroom? It is not only wise but the most dignified response to all the silliness concerning sexuality.

In no way am I suggesting that homosexuals, or anyone for that matter continue to live a lie by concealing or acting like someone they are not. And if you disagree with my reasoning, by all means, hire someone to fly a Cessna airplane across your town with a banner that reads “I’m Johnny and I’m gay!”

I hope that your, I’m gay proclamation lands safely in a field of acceptance. However, experience tells me that if you don’t end up parachuting into a field of haters, prepare yourself for a lifelong bumpy landing by coming out, which I think is as absurd as one who would drag his or her bed out into the middle of the street and post the proceedings on YouTube.

A young man visiting from Germany told me something that I found pleasantly surprising but also felt a disappointing as I reflected. He said where he is from, it is no big deal at all to be homosexual. The terms we used to distinguish between homosexuals and heterosexuals here are non-existent in Germany. By that I assume what he was telling me that straights are no better than gays in Germany. Therefore, no such need for someone to announce with fear that they are homosexual.

Considering Nazi Germany of the early part of the 20th century, I was pleased to hear he could not relate to our pettiness over homosexuality. But I could not help but to feel ashamed as an American. In other words, I think we are better than the pettiness but he pointed out by his inability to relate that, America has a long way to go if they can claim to be truly living in the 21st century.

There was a resolution adopted at this year’s annual “Mind your own Business” conference: “The greatest peace of mind you will ever enjoy is when you mind your own business.” — Author unknown —

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Allen Jones

1983 to 1993 Bible Study teacher at SF juvenile hall. Currently prison reform activist and author of Case Game - Activating the Activist; an autobiography.