Faith or fear? When I read the title of this post, my first thought was, do not read it but suggest to the author, if you have to ask that question then you should not have kids.

But I invested 6 minutes into reading the post knowing that I would have a comment after suggesting, don’t have kids.

I am one of ten children. I was the seventh born and my mother had me when she too was 30-year-old. My parents had three boys and three girls when my father said “No more.” Yes, I was an accident baby by most people’s judgement.

Speaking of accidents, I have a niece who at age 18, was accepted into a college and to her surprise she learned that she was pregnant. Today, she has a PhD and her daughter will be graduating this year with a Masters.

When I brag about the fact that my father raised 10 kids (nine with my mother) all by himself and my Dr. niece not allowing her situation to stop her from her goal, I get mostly negative comments. They are selfish in tone and lack understanding of the ultimate beauty of life.

I admit that when I think that maybe I missed out on fatherhood, I reflect on my own father, who came home one day and discovered that his wife and the mother of nine left the family. My father was faced with an instant option: Let the State raise his kids or do what he knew was in the best interest of his kids, keep us all together and raise us himself? He took on the challenge that most fathers do, keep us together. Sadly, I know of a few situations where the father bolted after only one kid or the mother used the kid(s) against the father in a custody situation.

Some might say how could a mother leave her children? Well, smarty pants, my father told me that my mother witnessed a plane blow up in the sky over Denver Colorado where we lived at the time and “she was never the same since.” I later found out that the incident happened in 1955. I was born in 1956.

Oh and by the way: I am a Black man who has never been able to walk and I am a homosexual. Now who in their right mind would ask to come into a world when we know the burdens some in society place on others?

But if the stork does drop off an unexpected bundle, don’t panic, everything will be alright. I say this not as fact, but as faith.

1983 to 1993 Bible Study teacher at SF juvenile hall. Currently prison reform activist and author of Case Game - Activating the Activist; an autobiography.

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